How to Control Your Emotions (without suppressing them and making yourself sick)

by Michael Hughes

Are you too emotional?

Are you too sensitive?


Do you find yourself welling up inside when you see a sad movie?

Do you get easily upset when people say bad things about you?

I’m going teach you a technique to control your emotions by watching yourself and watching your Emotional Zone Points.

But in order to do that I need a way to trigger your emotions in a non-threatening way so that you can watch them.

The easiest way is with music.

Music can make us feel many emotions. But, for this exercise, I want you to choose a song or piece that makes you sad.

Get a piece of paper and write down the names of some songs or pieces of music that make you sad.

If they actually make you cry, all the better.

You’ll probably want to be in a place where you won’t be disturbed.

At the bottom of this post I’ll tell you the songs that used to make me emotional.

Choose your first piece of music. If you don’t have it on a CD, search for it on Youtube

But before you play it, follow these steps:

1. Sit upright in a chair.
2. Put your hands on your in your lap.
3. Take deep breath and let it out.
4. As you breathe out, let your shoulders drop down and relax.
5. Repeat the breathing and shoulder relaxing twice more.
6. Concentrate on your hands so that you can feel them.
7. Continue focusing on your hands until you can really feel them.

Now, when you play the piece of music, I want you to “watch” yourself.

The music will trigger an emotion and you’ll be able to feel the emotion in a certain point in your body (an Emotional Zone Point).

Depending on the emotion, you’ll feel it in a different place. For example, if it’s sadness, you may feel it in your lower abdomen.

Listen to the music but don’t resist the emotion – let it come, and focus on the Emotional Zone Point.

This exercise will probably be more difficult for men than women.

Us men tend to suppress our emotions more than women.

Let the emotion come – don’t fight it. But don’t fall into and wallow in it either.

Concentrate on and feel the Zone Point.

Now, the first time you do this, there may be tears, shaking etc – it can be quite dramatic (which is why you may want to be somewhere private).

But after the music ends, take a few minutes to calm down.

Then, do the same thing again.

The second time you’ll be surprised to find that the same piece of music will have a much reduced effect on you – even if you’ve heard the same song for years and felt the same emotion.

Repeat the process until you can listen to the music and feel no or little emotion in your body.

Congratulations, you’ve taken the first step to controlling your emotions.

Now you can repeat the process with the other songs on your list.

The music that made me emotional before I used this technique

The song, Dance With my Father, by Luther Vandros must be one of the most emotionally charged songs ever written.


For years, I couldn’t listen to this song.

If I was driving and it came on the radio I’d quickly change the station – especially if my wife or kids were in the car.
But after going through the process just a few times I could listen to the song and appreciate it.

Another song I find emotional is “Love is a Losing Game” by Amy Winehouse.

To hear her sing it, you can hear the emotion, the hurt, the regret in her voice.

And it’s all too poignant when you realise that she died so young with so much talent. But poor Amy couldn’t control her own emotions.

This same technique can be used in other situations.

For example, the first time I visited the Grave of the Unknown Warrior in Westminster Abbey in London I was overcome by a wave of emotion.

The first time I stood in front the altar in the church where I was to be married, I had a surge of emotion. (This was just the rehearsal!)

And I felt like I was going to pass-out when I saw my Dad in the intensive care ward when he had cancer.

At that time I wasn’t aware of the existence of Emotional Zone Points and how to focus on them.

If there’s a place that makes you emotional, the next time you go there watch your Emotional Zone Point and the feeling will shrink and you’ll be in control – not your emotions.

What songs, movies or places make you emotional? Let me know in the comments below.

please leave a comment

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather Kapp

The song ” I just want to feel real love” by Robbie Williams and “You lift me up by” Josh Groban.
The movie “Homeward Bound” and “A beautiful mind”
Will try your technique
Thank you again.


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

Thanks for sharing Heather. And, after trying the technique, you’ll find that not only will you be more in control of your emotions but you’ll appreciate the music on a whole new level.



Thanks for this article. a great help to me indeed!!!


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

You’re welcome Teffhai.



Thank you so much. I really need this right now in my life. I am too too emotional.


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

Thanks for the comment Jumoke.



Thank you so much for this article. Just when I was about to explode I read this article, very helpful. 🙂


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

You’re welcome Luisy – glad you didn’t explode.



Music makes me happy, even these songs up, with fantastic singers like Amy. I understand that generate emotions in me inverted, perhaps contradictory. Instead of being sad, it would be expectable, I’m happy, with the talent and genius of a person like Amy, despite the sad ending it had. I remembered strongest emotion I’ve ever felt, watching my oldest son graduating, when he received the diploma of the Business Administrator. Did a great job of overcoming personal, overcoming the difficulties of epilepsy, which carries today, but can be a successful startup, a born entrepreneur, and a leader of over 50 providers and providers of families with great success. That day, which lasted for three hours the ceremony, I cried all the time. Did not have the control. Perhaps now, with your tips, who knows?


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

Hi Roberto,

The same piece of music could trigger happiness in one person and sadness in another.

For this exercise I want you to use a piece of music that triggers sadness – it’s an easy way to bring up the emotion so you can “watch” it.



After many years of suppressing my emotions, I find it diffcult to be fully present, have ruminating thoughts all the time, and my spouse accuses me of being emotionally unavailable. I don’t feel that I can win any arguments in my marriage so I just stare blankly while he rages.
I feel cold.
Is this meditative exercise a.good way to get back on track? Any other advice?


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

Before you practice this particular technique, you should practice the meditation in my free ebook or meditation CD

If you practice the meditation technique regularly (at least twice)
each day, those thoughts which run around in your mind will calm down.

And you’ll see things much clearer. But, a word of warning, you may think that things are getting worse for a while.

It doesn’t happen to everyone, but some people experience a mental de-tox.

Like a physical de-tox, when toxins are released into your blood stream before being removed form the body, you may feel worse for a while.

But it’s only temporary. And a better days are ahead.



This is an answered prayer .. Thank you .



I am seen as an emotionally unavailable person because I choose not show my emotions but they tend to well up and I breakdown on occasion because it becomes too much to deal with at times. I know that its not healthy but I don’t know any other way to deal with how I feel. I have started meditating and I find its the only way for me to calm my emotions. I will definitely be trying this technique. I hope it will help me. When I watch Forrest Gump I tend to break down.


Profile photo of Michael Hughes Michael Hughes

What you should do Jennifer is to go to YouTube and find a particular clip of the movie which makes you break down.

Then meditatate for a few minutes and watch the movie clip.
Do this in private so you’ll be less inhibited.

Now, don’t suppress your emotions but become aware of the feeling in your body – the Emotional-Zone-Point.

Allow the emotion to come but still concentrate on and become aware of that place where the emotion lives in your body.

The first time that you do this will probably be quite dramatic. But do it again and you’ll be amazed at how much less affected you are.

Each time you do this you’ll be less affected.


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: