Are you too emotional?
Are you too sensitive?
Do you find yourself welling up inside when you see a sad movie?
Do you get easily upset when people say bad things about you?
I’m going teach you a technique to control your emotions by watching yourself and watching your Emotional Zone Points.
But in order to do that I need a way to trigger your emotions in a non-threatening way so that you can watch them.
The easiest way is with music.
Music can make us feel many emotions. But, for this exercise, I want you to choose a song or piece that makes you sad.
Get a piece of paper and write down the names of some songs or pieces of music that make you sad.
If they actually make you cry, all the better.
You’ll probably want to be in a place where you won’t be disturbed.
At the bottom of this post I’ll tell you the songs that used to make me emotional.
Choose your first piece of music. If you don’t have it on a CD, search for it on Youtube
But before you play it, follow these steps:
1. Sit upright in a chair.
2. Put your hands on your in your lap.
3. Take deep breath and let it out.
4. As you breathe out, let your shoulders drop down and relax.
5. Repeat the breathing and shoulder relaxing twice more.
6. Concentrate on your hands so that you can feel them.
7. Continue focusing on your hands until you can really feel them.
Now, when you play the piece of music, I want you to “watch” yourself.
The music will trigger an emotion and you’ll be able to feel the emotion in a certain point in your body (an Emotional Zone Point).
Depending on the emotion, you’ll feel it in a different place. For example, if it’s sadness, you may feel it in your lower abdomen.
Listen to the music but don’t resist the emotion – let it come, and focus on the Emotional Zone Point.
This exercise will probably be more difficult for men than women.
Us men tend to suppress our emotions more than women.
Let the emotion come – don’t fight it. But don’t fall into and wallow in it either.
Concentrate on and feel the Zone Point.
Now, the first time you do this, there may be tears, shaking etc – it can be quite dramatic (which is why you may want to be somewhere private).
But after the music ends, take a few minutes to calm down.
Then, do the same thing again.
The second time you’ll be surprised to find that the same piece of music will have a much reduced effect on you – even if you’ve heard the same song for years and felt the same emotion.
Repeat the process until you can listen to the music and feel no or little emotion in your body.
Congratulations, you’ve taken the first step to controlling your emotions.
Now you can repeat the process with the other songs on your list.
The music that made me emotional before I used this technique
The song, Dance With my Father, by Luther Vandros must be one of the most emotionally charged songs ever written.
For years, I couldn’t listen to this song.
If I was driving and it came on the radio I’d quickly change the station – especially if my wife or kids were in the car.
But after going through the process just a few times I could listen to the song and appreciate it.
Another song I find emotional is “Love is a Losing Game” by Amy Winehouse.
To hear her sing it, you can hear the emotion, the hurt, the regret in her voice.
And it’s all too poignant when you realise that she died so young with so much talent. But poor Amy couldn’t control her own emotions.
This same technique can be used in other situations.
For example, the first time I visited the Grave of the Unknown Warrior in Westminster Abbey in London I was overcome by a wave of emotion.
The first time I stood in front the altar in the church where I was to be married, I had a surge of emotion. (This was just the rehearsal!)
And I felt like I was going to pass-out when I saw my Dad in the intensive care ward when he had cancer.
At that time I wasn’t aware of the existence of Emotional Zone Points and how to focus on them.
If there’s a place that makes you emotional, the next time you go there watch your Emotional Zone Point and the feeling will shrink and you’ll be in control – not your emotions.
What songs, movies or places make you emotional? Let me know in the comments below.